🏥 We’re Turning Our Emergency Room into a Spirit Halloween /// McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

Of course, I get it–this seems drastic. But let’s face it, rural hospitals like ours are barely hanging on. Medicare plans drown us in paperwork, making it impossible to turn a profit unless we start offering luxury VIPappendectomies with complimentary champagne. Meanwhile, private insurance companies are busy collecting premiums while doctors are stuck on the phone chasing prior authorizations, leaving little time to care for their patients. The result? Patients fighting to survive in a system that’s barely functioning. Talk about spooky.

Talk about efficiencies. Helloooo nurse.